By Robert Pine, Height Correspondent
July 7, 2025
Santa Fe, NM

After centuries of cinematic erasure, top-shelf injustices, and a tragic overreliance on the kindness of taller men at concerts, a groundbreaking study from the University of Toledo's Department of Height Justice has declared that Short Kings are officially no longer a marginalized community.

The study, titled "From Napoleon to Now: The Rise of the Compact Monarch," outlines the cultural, romantic, and philosophical shift in how men 5'8" and under are perceived. "We found that not only are Short Kings now widely celebrated, they're actively being sought out," said Dr. Linda Tong, lead researcher and 6'2" apologist. "In fact, many participants said they prefer their men 'closer to earth's wisdom.'"

This sentiment is echoed in the explosive popularity of TikTok tags like #ShortKingSpring and #KneecapRoyalty, and in the meteoric rise of influencers like @petiteheat, who recently released a short king cologne called Pocket Sizzle (notes unpaid therapy).

Longtime advocate and self-identified heartthrob Ry Mohon (5' 5") weighed in with incredible posture. "The irony isn't lost on me, and frankly, I find the word marginal offensive," said Mohon, and in a follow-up email, he added, "Still, anyone over 5'8" has stolen valor."

Many short kings don't agree with the study's findings. "This is bullshit," said one anonymous king. "We don't get nearly the same opportunity as men 5'9" and over." Despite the claim that Short Kings are "actively being sought out," many critics argue that the so-called acceptance is conditional, performative, or fetishized. "We're praised, sure—but only if we're rich, funny, and really clever," said one frustrated 5'4" coder. "Tall guys just are. We have to be characters."

It should come as some surprise that the largest and most vocal supporters of Short Kings are actually Tall Queens! "Tall queens are the scaffolding of the movement," said Dr. Tong. "Without them, Short Kings would still be standing on milk crates—figuratively and literally." Many tall women report seeking out shorter partners for their emotional maturity, grounded worldviews, and ability to sit comfortably on airplanes without monopolizing the armrest. Several interviewed subjects also noted: "He can't look down on me if he physically can't look down on me."

"I love my tall queen sisters," says Ry, "but we will not survive without going under the radar."

Backlash from the Tall Men's Coalition for Height Integrity (TMCHI), who recently published a blog titled Let Tall Be Tall Again. "We're being demonized for something we can't control," said Bryce Langston, 6'4", who once described his dating pool as "coastal."

The material realities remain: no world leader under 5'7" has been elected in the last decade. Clothing labeled "small" is usually "short torso, long leg." And Tinder profiles still list height before hobbies. "We are not free," said Mohon, solemnly. "Until a king can walk into a room, whisper 'I'm enough,' and be believed—we are not free."

As the debate continues, some suggest the new report does more harm than good, letting systems of height-based oppression off the hook with the promise of virality and a few well-lit thirst traps.

Short Kings didn't ask for a month. They asked for respect.

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